Brand Marketing

I'm fairly certain I did not come up with this concept myself so before I begin I would like to say to whomever I stole this idea from - thank you and forgive me.

You are your brand. Plain and simple. Just like Coke, Mercedes-Benz or McDonalds. Taking a step back and looking at yourself from the outside - as a brand if you will - makes you more aware of what you put out in the world, how you conduct yourself and the things you say.

This is an interesting concept to explore as a singleton, but a slightly frightening one as well. Take for example last night at the opening of my friends club. I was with two close friends, we looked pretty hot (as hot as i could look after an epic week traipsing through europe in an effort to return to England sans air travel - stuffing myself with pasta, schnitzel and copious amounts of alcohol all the while surviving on minimal sleep) and the place was cholk full of eligible bachelors. After a stressful week, I think we all just wanted to tear it up a bit. So we had a little pre-party which consisted of a couple bottles of prosecco, landed in the club and promptly poured back some yummy gin drinks and ended the evening on shots (do not bother to ask why, the answer is eluding us all this morning). Did I mention we forgot about dinner? Yes forgot, the topic just never came up. I blame the week's worth of schnitzel but heaven knows what the other two were thinking. By the end of the evening, we were definitely NOT On Brand. Drunk-girl-at-bar-doing-shots is definitely not the look I'm going for here, neither is cant-make-coherent-conversation-as-this-is my-favourite-80s-song-and-I-must-sing-a-long-very-loudly girl.

I've decided not to beat myself up for this as we did have such a fun evening, but there's a lesson in it. You attract what you put out there so keep your eyes on the prize and build your brand wisely!

Spreading the Love

On the advice of my darling sister, I've decided to cast a (much) larger net when it comes to dating. I'm taking the approach that any sweet, slightly flirty conversation with a remotely attractive man could lead to something (and by something I'm covering everything from a hot date to friendship to career ops) and if not, hell it's good practice.

So I'm making yet another foray into online dating as I mentioned in my last post and this time it's with a lot more gusto! This weekend I partook in what I would deem 'slutty winking'. Basically I went through hoards of profiles and anyone who was fairly cute, interesting and basically did not seem psychotic got a little nudge from me. I'm happy to say my overzealous 'adding to favourites' brought about three emails. So instead of choosing the most promising out of these three, I've decided to spread the love and they all have received some sort of message back from me.

I've also decided the whole internet dating thing is basically a big PR exercise and as I do PR for a living I should be able to sell myself in the same sublime fashion in which I market my clients. For example, I've got to harness my bluntness a bit and when answering questions like 'what's my favourite TV show' perhaps not respond with number one (Golden Girls) and go with the more crowd pleasing, neutral number two (NCIS).

To quote a classic line from Seinfeld, 'I'm out there, George. I'm out there!'

You Can't Make This Stuff Up

I sometimes think the reason I haven't yet met my guy is due to the fact that the dating gods take too much joy in masterminding the most painfully hilarious dates for me. Oh yes dear 11, the date with The Crush was disaster.

It seems I had dreamed up a persona that does not exist. But that is the danger of the crush, is it not? Don't get me wrong, I take full blame for the fact that I spun 'mute' into 'quiet and reserved' and wrote off the stench of body odor as artistic (yes I KNOW that is a huge stretch).

We had agreed to meet at an art opening at 6 and when he arrived my first thought was he looked rather handsome. My second was that he smelled like a homeless person. The conversation started out awkwardly to say the least but I wrote it off to nerves thinking that after a few glasses of wine, he'd loosen up and be a bit chatty. Wrong. After a few glasses of wine, it became clear he had the conversational skills of a lamp post. Luckily, we ran into a few friends of his who were actually incredibly lovely and I had an enjoyable conversation with them for a good hour while The Crush No More wandered about and was at one point found laughing hysterically to himself. I'd like to think he was on some hallucinogenic substance and this strange behaviour was a complete anomaly, but alas I think he falls into that rather prevalent category unique to this country, The English Eccentric.

The lesson here really is that while crushes are fun, it is important to keep them in the realm of reality. It so tempting to embellish the poor guy into a dream that is impossible to live up to - especially when he is a total Eccentric.

Next step: Round 72 with Online Dating - this time I will agree to go out with someone! Maybe...

Don't Stop Believin'

I'm loving the fact that in the UK the aforementioned song is not only on the charts once, but twice. Glee is only slightly more favored over the original Journey recording (which for the record is my personal preference). The message here is a good one for us singletons. Life can turn around in a minute and next thing you know - whoop! there love is!

I work with a girl who as of a year ago was in a very similar situation to my own. She's good looking, funny, smart, well-travelled, well-read, witty and well-bred - all of which I've been told I am as well (mostly by my parents, but that's not the point). She was consistantly meeting people and going on dates but nothing ever came of them. There may have been a guy here or there that was of interest but nothing stuck. Behind her back (and I'm sure this scenario plays out amongst the friends of most singletons including my own circle) people said things like 'She's too picky' or 'She's so lovely, I just don't understand why she's single' or 'Poor X! She's almost forty and still single. I'm sure she wants to find someone'.

Then comes May 14, 2009. She is set up on a blind date and now here we are less than a year later and she's in a happy, healthy relationship, engaged and three months pregnant. I LOVE IT!!!

It happens people. It happens every day. So keep at it! You may go down but all you can do is dust yourself off and get back to it.

For those of you following my personal exploits, Monsieur Crush had to cancel last minute due to a family obligation but very cutely invited me along (nein, danke) and then CALLED (impressive use of this particular function on his cell) to express his regrets and rearrange for the following week (which was last week). Since I hadnt heard from him as of yesterday, I decided I'd lob one more ball over the net and sent him a text to see if he'd like to go to an opening with me on Thursday to which he responded postively. (Dude, I seriously hope he doesnt stumble across this blog!) In my dream sequence, this would have played out differently but hey, maybe in the end reality will be sweeter.

Any way this works out, I BELIEVE. Join me, it's a good place to be. x

Be Careful What You Wish For

Don't get me wrong, having a crush is brilliant. It gives you all kinds of motivation to work out, groom, diet and do potentially useless cosmetic undertakings such as facial masks (becuase truly at what other time, now that we've unfortunately outgrown slumber parties, does one even consider the mask application).

The crush also provides hours and hours of daydreaming about the perfect life that lies ahead - although being the realist that I am, I try to throw in a fight now and again that we swiftly resolve thusly making our relationship stronger. The joy, the laughter, the fields (why are fields always in daydreams? in reality, the opportunities to roll about in a bed of wildflowers are incredibly rare, at least in my world).

Then the most incredible thing happens - crush responds and seems eager to go out. After the initial jumping up and down, screaming and waving of hands above head like a Beatles groupie on crack, a slow onslaught of anxiety, doubt and fear begins to creep in to those once perfectly formed daydreams. It's a rollercoaster of anxiety and bliss that could make even a stomach of steel relieve itself of its contents. A call (OMG OMG OMG JUMP JUMP SCREAM BREATHE, answer 'hello?') followed by a terribly awkward conversation (which has been subsequently repeated and dissected for potential wrong turns and deal breakers) leads to a dawning unease about what could become a reality  - what do I say? what do I wear? do i even know this guy? This embryonic stage that those in relationships miss the most I think is the part of the process most of us would like to bypass when we're going through it.

I once read an incredible quote by Augusten Burroughs that said "You know you're in love when you no longer feel the need to perform an autopsy on each date". I can't wait until that day comes! In the meantime, Ill be rummaging through my wardrobe (ALEX HELP!) trying to find the perfect outfit that says 'Oh is this sexy? I didnt even realise'...

Lady-like Behaviour.... What's that?

So let's face it when it comes to dating a lot of what holds us girls back is that voice in the back of our heads saying... 'Alpha! That's not how a lady would behave!'. We think about how we'd like to call, but we don't. We think of what we would like to say, but we never say it. We think of all of the ways we like to just be, but we don't let ourselves go there.

Shame isn't it? To quote a favourite old song, 'It's Not a Shame. It's a Problem'. And here's what the problem is... when does it cross the line between playing the game and denying our instincts?

So tonight I was out with a good friend for drinks describing in detail this HUGE crush I'm currently reckoning with (no it's not the Canadian, we're four weeks in and still haven't fixed a time to meet up). He suggests I email said Crush and invite him out for a drink. To which I responded, 'Wait. Let's step out of gay man's world and into straight girl world. I can't do that".  And of course the answer was Why? Actually, a lot of straight women should probably take the gay man's tactic toward dating which is (as far as I can tell)  to just go for it, but it's so against what we've been taught, whether directly or indirectly, and has therefore been deemed unnatural and highly unadvised.

But why? If we're being honest there's no reason why we shouldn't just put it out there. And not in some desperate, please like me kind of way but in the same way we'd greet a friend whom we haven't seen for ages. If said friend didn't get back to us, would we stalk? No. Follow up incessantly? No. We'd just launch the ball out there and see what is returned.

I like this tactic. I went for it. So now we'll see what happens.

And the big question is - does this go against the last post? No, I don't think so. Coy is coy and putting it out there is putting it out there. Go for it. Seriously, shake it off and go for it!

Strategy

Dating is such a bizarre and funny world really. It takes ages to meet someone you're finally the slightest bit interested in and then suddenly there you are stuck in a strange world of cat and mouse games; both of you unwilling to lay the cards on the table in fear of scaring the other off.

We've all been on both sides of this dilemma if we're honest - the too quick responder and the spooked receiver.We've all woken with a wave of shame that descends like an executioner's axe dropped from overhead at the dawning awareness of a previous nights drunk text or, god forbid, dial. Conversely, we've all been hit by the tidal wave of retarded tingles at a message received from a too keen suitor and immediately hit the delete key in an effort to throw off the cringe cloud that has just descended.

I know there are those of you out there who claim you don't and won't play games but seriously we all know there are a few key moments in the dating dance when one must proceed with the utmost caution to avoid ensuring certain death.

#1: The Call Back
You've received the first, second, maybe even third contact from suitor, a rush of happiness engulfs you... BUT WAIT, do not reply straight away!  This would only spell disaster. Opinions vary and scientists have yet to uncover a hard and true standard which has left us all a bit baffled but if I can make one suggestion please never, never, never respond or call past 11. The assumption will be that you're drunk and let's face it, you probably will be (at least if you're like me)

#2: Overexposure
So there you are on a first string of dates and with the help of alcohol and good conversation you've been lulled into the trust tree thinking you can open up the cage and let out the Crazy. WRONG! Keep Crazy in that cage until after the wedding or for as long as humanly possibly for god's sake. We've all got a dork factor, some random interests and bizarre families but for the sake of giving this date the best chance, let's leave Auntie R, her snaggle tooth and opus dei-esque scary religion out of it for the time being.

#3 Booty
This is probably the most highly debated amongst the singletons, but I'd say err on the side of caution when throwing the goods around in the beginning. Many of us have previously misread an amazing date as being the start of a relationship only to find ourselves with our Number increasing at the rate of the national debt and no boyfriend to show for it. Now this does not necessarily hold true for everyone, especially those with rock solid self confidence, no fear of pregnancy or disease and a guilt free conscious that a Catholic would go to war to get his hands on. None of these attributes am I currently in possession of hence why I do my best to keep it 8th grade as long as possible.

As you may have surmised, I have heard from The Canadian hence the quick review to keep myself in check. A date is penciled in for Wednesday so tune in for more on that next week.